"Cooking a Terrorist"

From the Modern Priscilla Cookbook, 1929,


President Obama has declared there is no such thing as a Muslim Jehadist or even a terrorist. They are "extremists," quite like Presbyterian suicide bombers. But who are we going to cook if not Muslim terrorists? They are just too delectable a fowl to pass up for turkey, corn beef, or corn dogs.



The Devil, as we know from his record on earth, has no sense of humor. His children, who serve him as his slaves wittingly or unwittingly, likewise do not like to be thought funny or objects of humor. Just because they dislike humor so much, here is a way to have a chuckle, even a guffaw and a belly laugh, at their expense! Once they are seen for what they are and laughed at--they lose the main source of their power which is based on "terror" or "fear", the chief weapon in their arsenal.

BOILING is cooking a terrorist in water at a temperature of 212 degrees, or in other liquid. The boiling point is indicated by constant bubbling of the liquid around the terrorist. As altitude increases (which the Al Quaeda may think about in their Afghanistan and Pakistani mountain hideouts) the boiling point becomes lower; at five thousand feet above sea level, for instance, water and terrorists boil at 202 degrees. Liquids which are not pure water, but contain other materials in solution (such as battery acid, or hot pepper sauce), boil at a temperature higher than 212 degrees.

SIMMERING a terrorist is cooking in water or other liquid just below the boiling point (190-210 degrees.). At a simmering temperature an occasional bubble rises around the terrorist.

STEAMING a terrorist is cooking in the steam which rises from boiling water. It is accomplished by using, in a covered kettle, a perforated container (one shot through by an rocket launched grenade), which will keep terrorist out of contact with water but allow steam to circulate around him.

BROILING a terrorist is cooking him over direct heat--live coals, a gas or oil flame, or electric unit. An open rack holds the terrorist to be broiled.

TOASTING a terrorist is a form of broiling. The term is used in connection with breads usually, but terrorists toast just as well.

PAN BROILING a terrorist is cooking him on a hot pan or griddle, without grease, or with just enough to prevent sticking.

BAKING a terrorist is cooking by dry heat in an oven. The temperature may be high or low (preferably low, which will prolong the process).

ROASTING a terrorist originally meant cooking him over an open fire, but is now synonymous with baking. It is used principally in connection with mullahs who recruit and train the puppet-like scrubs for suicide bombers.

FRYING a terrorist is cooking by immersion in hot fat.

SAUTEING or PAN FRYING a terrorist is cooking in a small amount of fat. The terrorist cooks on only one side at a time and must be turned.

FRICASSEEING a terrorist is a combination of sauteing and stewing. The method is used chiefly for mullahs who preach hate in the Medresses and Mosques (such as the Jerusalem Mosque in Hamburg, Germany, which sent out graduates who accomplished their master's thesis work on 9/11 in Manhattan).

POACHING a terrorist is cooking by surrounding with boiling or simmering liquid in a shallow pan. It is used mostly for the above mullahs.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love."--Bible


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